Girlfriends' Weekend #4

Well, this is hardly a picture of Kathy, Lee and me, but while my camera continues to be the most erratic piece of equipment I own, I must be creative with finding illustrations for these musings. I have been very clear with Santa about the importance of a working camera.

I've known Kathy and Lee since the summer after freshman year. There were years and years when seeing each other was a rare event. Now, we are not especially good at staying in touch -- not even through e-mail, but for the last few years, we have managed a nice weekend together in a different location. This year, Kathy drove from Manassas, Lee came from Staunton and we converged at the house at Lake Gaston.

What a great, comfortable house this is. It is much the same as it has always been, but spruced up a bit (freshly painted this summer in wonderful colors!) and just well cared for.

We first knew it as Dr. & Mrs. Taylor's house. Then, we came to think of it as Uncle Vic and Doris' house -- now time has marched on and Mark and Margie have stepped up to the plate to be the ones to deal with upkeep, spider nests, and guests who leave wet towels to mildew on the bathroom floor.

Over the years I have had a few mishaps as a houseguest there. Most that remain in my memory now were run-ins with snakes. But thank goodness it was not me who flipped off the breaker for the refrigerator on my way out the door at the end of a stay some years ago. That's all I'll say about that until I am sure Mark and Margie don't walk into a flooded basement next time they go up there.

As usual Lee and Kathy and I had an easy, fun weekend. Kathy always likes to plan menus and cook interesting things. Part of her challenge, aside from Lee being vegetarian, is to make the most of some key ingredients so that our grocery list isn't too long just for one weekend.

This time it all worked out perfectly with one meal a roasted cauliflower in cream sauce over whole wheat penne pasta (way better than it sounds, due to the addition of walnuts), and another dinner of cheese ravioli with salsa and black beans and a very dense, moist cornbread. Extra nice salads with everything and generous servings of wines. All good.

When we weren't eating, we walked dogs, caught up with each other's lives, discussed Obama's first term, Lee's plan to run for county council again next year, and played board games -- when have I done that?? It was relaxing and just a lot of fun! They were good enough to listen to the StoryCorps CD Mom and Uncle Bill made earlier this year. That generated a lot of stories about their parents and grandparents and how everyone survived The Depression and what they did in The War. The premise of the StoryCorps project is absolutely true. Everyone, everyone has a story -- and hearing each other's stories is better entertainment than anything else that is offered to us.

We had such a good relaxing time, it has made me realize how backed-up I am feeling all the time these days. To violate my own "No Whining" rule for a brief moment, I have a pile of summer clothes on the chair in the bedroom that need to go in the attic, and there is a large group of winter clothes somewhere and I'm not remembering where. I have a printer that is connected but won't print, we have a major leak in the shower that we can't seem to coordinate with the plumber to see about, there's a roll of very cool paper that I ordered for origami boxes that I haven't even opened yet. Oh yeah, and I hit a stray key while paying bills on-line and they deducted $4, 516.40 from our account instead of $451.64. That took some dancing. And the cat needs to go to the vet. And the cat doesn't want to go to the vet. Is everyone's life like this?

And Debbie is still dead. It is inexplicable that this is such a huge weight that it slows everything down to a slogging through the mud pace. It cannot last forever, but it is that way for now.

Even in this state of discombobulation, I am using drive time to mentally compose my annual list of all I am thankful for. An annual weekend with friends of 30+ years definitely makes the list.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Our Family's Experience with Story Corps

Somehow, Debbie made a connection with someone who works for StoryCorps and one thing led to another and Debbie got an appointment on the day after Mom's 81st birthday with the project in Asheville. The plan evolved for Uncle Bill to go too, and for them to talk about whatever they wanted to.

Debbie said they got to her house in Black Mountain and said "What will we talk about?" and then they didn't stop talking for the rest of the weekend. From all accounts, it was a golden weekend with lots of time for Mom and Uncle Bill to sit on the porch, looking out over the mountains, and remember the course of their long, good lives and tell their stories – some very familiar and some new. Sometimes, same story, two versions – you know how that goes :-)

The only thing missing was Uncle Vic, the oldest of these 3 siblings. He is almost 91 and lives in Chapel Hill. Between the three of them, they have a lot of life experience and memories are in good working order -- so story telling sessions can be quite lively.

For the actual taping, Debbie interviewed Mom and Uncle Bill and guided their conversation from memories of growing up on a depression-era, Piedmont tobacco farm before electricity and running water (Uncle Bill said “Sure we had running water – you took a bucket to the spring, filled it with water and then you’d run back to the house with it!”) to their memories of their own parents, to their favorite foods and least favorite chores when they were young.

They talked about WWII where Uncle Bill ended up as a prisoner of war in Germany. My mother was a teenager at home where scant news traveled slowly and a whole rural community sweated it out with them not knowing his fate and the whole community celebrated with them when they got word of his safety and release.

Mom and Uncle Bill spoke briefly of their marriages and of their feelings of love and appreciation for each other. At the very end, you hear Debbie thank them both for talking with her and she tells them she loves them. –It's Priceless.

On Mother’s Day, Mom and Duncan and I went to Chapel Hill and gathered with the Uncles, one remaining aunt, all the cousins and their children – to listen together and receive this final gift that Debbie instigated and orchestrated. It was good to be together to share our sadness over losing her, and at the very same time to celebrate our family’s story of strength, surviving and thriving, and always at the very end, loving each other.

This picture was taken last summer at Uncle Vic's 90th Birthday party. He's on the left, then Mom and Uncle Bill. Standing behind are the cousins: Mark Bowles, Me, Jo Ann Wilson, Debbie, and Marie Schmitt.